[ be true and faithful. ]

Wednesday, June 18, 2008

not afraid of being who i am.

i guess i really want to name this post this title.
many times, im so fearful of how ppl would look at me.
what if i expressed myself too much that i become vulnerable in front of others..
what happened if i ever got angry at ppl and they couldnt take it..and they think of me in a diff light from then on..
what happened if i just made a mistake..
what happened if i got a little too depressed and ppl named me 'emo'...
there are too many what ifs...and i guess i dont want to hide myself further.
why must i hide my feelings if im sad.why cant i express myself when im sad..
why should i hide everything inside and then let the devil use this chance to destroy me bit by bit.

i believe everyone has times where they will just want to be themselves.
and now, i dont really want to bother about other's opinions.
even though sometimes its still hard, i still feel condemned by others..
but i know my God has set me free. and i rest assured in it.
even though i have always felt a lonliness that i cant take away
and sometimes it weighs heavily on me when the hustle and bustle of life is over
and when the silence of the night creeps in, i get a bit more affected by the quietness
and when the film of thoughts just rolls out in my mind...
i just thank God that He helped me to discover that this lonliness is only meant for Him to fill.
not tv.friends.family.internet.or anything else in the world.
it is Him that i need.

and i learn to accept myself even more now..
because i know that God made me to have emotions and not to suppress myself
and try to be always happy and everything. i still will feel sad when things happens.

but of course, that is no excuse to dwell in sadness.
because i have an UNFAILING LOVE.
because if we truly are God-followers, we know that His joy remains in good and bad times.
and if we really have a relationship with Him, we know that He is JOY.
and when we come before Him, He sets us free eventually.
sometimes its not easy. but our God is good.

and im embarking on this journey of discovering myself and life bit by bit..
allowing God to help me understand myself and His plans better...
so now. i just want to be myself. be who God wants me to be.
and if there are many ways that i fall short, i know my God will help me to change..

because my God is good.

(wendy) ♥ 9:18 PM